i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
