you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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