im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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