I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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