talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
