I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
