i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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