he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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