Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
