i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
