I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
