oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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