Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
