I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
