East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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