There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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