my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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