Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
