there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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