RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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