Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
