how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
