my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
