Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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