She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
