you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
