And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
