So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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