and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's always time for handjobs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
