I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
