porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
