Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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