He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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