The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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