Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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