Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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