I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
