I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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