Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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