in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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