You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
