So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
