Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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