It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
