So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
