I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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