Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
