I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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