Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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