Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
