I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize