ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
