If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
