It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
