oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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