areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
