my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need to align my fucking chakras
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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