the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
did i walk over a car last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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