i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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