Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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