i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
