I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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