I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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