i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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